Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” — Nelson Mandela

Amazing. I’ve finally figured out what’s wrong with me.

Funnily enough, I came across that quote while reading through the “Welcome Back” guide the study abroad office sent me. And I guess you could say it’s about time I accepted that I’ve definitely changed in so many ways since my time abroad in Costa Rica. And it’s also about time I’ve accepted the fact that that chapter of my life is over and it’s time to move on.


Bye bye! 🙁

Before, I was dead set on spending the rest of my life in Chicago. After graduation, I would find a job in the city and live in a swanky apartment with either my cousin or other friends. Now, I’m not so sure anymore where “home” will be in the future. I liked my simpler life in Costa Rica. I could care less about finding that perfect 9-5 job downtown now. Obviously, nothing about Chicago has changed (much) — it’s my own demeanor that has.

People are always telling you to live it up while you can and to enjoy the moment, but why is it people never talk about what happens after the “moment”? I lived my summer to the fullest last year and I only ended up being depressed when it ended and I had to pack up for Costa Rica. Then in Costa Rica I had the time of my life and now it’s over and I’m depressed — again. I know I made promises to make my last and only senior year semester the best ever, but do I really want to do that now? Can I really make it through a third straight adrenaline rush of life and then only end up feeling deflated again when it’s over? I’m ready for college to end so I can start finding some semblance of stability in my life. I need to start that process of letting college go now before it gets any worse.

On a less somber note, I’ve started working on a scrapbook for my semester abroad. Sort of. I uploaded 240 pictures to my Wal-Mart photo account and I’m waiting for a friend to send more to me. But seriously…240 pictures. With shipping and handling, that’s about $32. And then on top of that I’m gonna have to buy a book to put it all in and then supplies and fun stuff to make it with! I’ve already filtered through my uploads 2 times to cut down the amount; looks like I’m going to have to do it a few more times!

Even further proof that I’m trying my darndest to move on is the ambitious plans I’m making for this domain. After over a year of this city skyline, I want to make a new one. Considering I haven’t done any real HTML since I made this layout then (heh), I’m a bit nervous about the time I’m going to have to invest for this. And I want to get the ball rolling on my sports blog. I tried starting one last summer, but then I kind of left it alone for awhile. I’ve been mainly debating about whether to design a theme for it or to just use a premade (which I really dislike doing…I like all my sites to be my own designs), so we’ll see.

I have a headache

I just spent the entire weekend cleaning things up. Organized my personal folders on this laptop, swept through my websites and updated things here and there. Did a major overhaul of the tags and categories both on this here WordPress and on my Flickr. Lots of things, and now I’m positively exhausted. Talk about spring cleaning.

So while I’m at it, I’m going to do some plugging:

  • Visit Stargazer! I added a couple of short stories and whatnot. If I feel like it, hopefully I’ll add more personal-y things this week.
  • My Jay Sean fanlisting is still alive and kickin’, so if you’re a fan (or obsessed, like me :D), come on over and join!

I’m on spring break now (hence my sudden availability to update this place), chilling at home doing absolutely nothing. There’s been Harry Potter and George Lopez marathons all weekend, so I’ve essentially wasted my entire break thus far watching all that. I’m rather upset that I wasn’t able to return to work for this week; when I called Cinemark a couple of weeks ago, they basically said that they didn’t need me that much. I don’t know what I’m going to do money-wise, because I was really hoping on that extra income.

Speaking of income, I do have a bunch of Demand Studios articles to write, but at the moment I’m so mentally drained I think I’m going to take a much-needed break from this laptop.

And procrastination rears its ugly head again

I’ve just spent the past 3 hours of my life fervently working away to give this blog a much needed facelift. The result you see before you is all due to the fact that I have been promptly ignoring my schoolwork for several days now, but I don’t care, because I am for once happily and absolutely satisfied with what I have churned out. The layout is aptly titled “Homecoming,” after the Kanye West song, and makes me miss the city of Chicago so much. I haven’t ventured downtown since the summer (early July, to be exact), and it’s rather depressing. But now that fall and winter are coming upon us, hopefully that situation will be rectified. I’m excited for some ice skating and Mag Mile shopping. At any rate, I hope you all enjoy the new theme, because it may have just cost me a few of my grades. 😉

We received our papers back in ENGL 300 today, an event that sent my heart into frenzied palpitations. My first major paper of the semester, I remember getting only 4.5 hours of sleep over it. Although I had done the research and vaguely figured out what I wanted to write about, I just couldn’t get the damn thing started. I had one page left to do when I came back from work at 11 p.m., and instead of quickly finishing it off, I ended up procrastinating hardcore (like I’m doing now) and didn’t finish that one page until 4 in the morning. You’d think I would have learned my lesson, but here I am now, it’s 1:22 a.m. and I have another paper due on Friday for that very same class, not to mention hundreds upon hundreds of pages to read for all my other classes, and I have not done anything whatsoever related to schoolwork.

Oh, but I did get an A though for that first paper. Surprisingly. Miraculously.

I really should not be awake right now

I know that lately, I have been lamenting shamefully over my lack of a passionate love life. But ever since I saw The Ugly Truth last Friday, and after certain events from the day before, my attitude has changed. To put it succinctly: I just don’t give a fuck anymore. If fate has bestowed upon me this role of a crazy spinster and lunatic, so be it. I can play this game too.

Anyway, at the moment I am wondering why on earth I am awake at 3 in the morning when I so desperately crave sleep. I haven’t even eaten dinner yet nor did I clean up my room like I had planned to. My stomach is aching with hunger. I’m debating on whether to just storm into the kitchen to fetch some rice and adobo, or to crash into my bed because I can feel my eyes drooping steadily as I type this all out.

Some sitely updates I feel deserve mentioning:

  • Because people like to keep harking on and on about the importance of “content,” I’ve decided to relocate all non-personal content from Stargazer. Basically, all the articles I had planned for that website will be featured here on my main domain. I’m really only doing this to refocus Stargazer as a more strictly personal site. Honestly, I don’t believe personal weblogs should be “required” to have some sort of substandard section of pointless visitor goodies or quickly written rants. But I guess I’m going against that now. Oh well. Shoot me.
  • So look for more things to pop up on bumplum over the next few weeks.
  • I’ve begun work on my new fanlisting for Jay Sean. Nothing substantial or exciting, really. But I’ve started, I’m excited, so yay!

There’s more that I’ve been wanting to blog about, but I seriously think that my body is physically shutting down at the moment because my hearing has dimmed and my eyes are halfway closed, though my stomach continues to remind me that I haven’t eaten an actual meal since that McDonald’s I had on my break today; and that was over 13 hours ago. Eff.

Moods and musings

Just a few things first, domain-wise:

  • Animato, my small fansite for the J-pop artist Utada, has now been reopened. I started it way back in 2004 and it’s been missing since, but not anymore! 🙂 So come and give it a visit.
  • I’ve been debating on whether to add more substantial content to this blog. It seems pretty bare at the moment, I realize, but the thing is, I usually reserve my more personal content for my personal website, Stargazer, which I’m working on revamping as well. If there’s someone out there with any suggestions, feel free to share.
  • In light of that realization, I’ve started a summer movie log. Basically it’s a collection of short reviews of all the films I’ve seen so far this summer. Though really, it’s just a way for me to keep track of all the movies I watch at work. *wink*

So I think my mom’s in a bad mood. She asked me yesterday if I could cash her check for her, and if I wanted to go shopping with her. I refused, mostly because I just didn’t feel like doing anything that involved leaving the house at the time. I don’t know if that ticked her off or anything, but she’s doing that thing again where she locks herself in her bedroom and doesn’t talk to any of us. Then today, my dad tells me she drove herself to work this morning, which is definitely unusual because my dad drives her everywhere. I don’t know if I can stand any more of her mood swings. What the fuck, woman.