It is a truth universally acknowledged

…that I only write in this blog when I feel my life is going absurdly shitty in one way or another. September has been an odd month. I have, at times, felt any or all of the following: depressed, bored, excited, sad, bitchy, annoyed, angry, content, and meh. It didn’t help that my period came three weeks late; when you’re off the pill and you’re not having sex, not knowing where your period is should not mean a thing, but I was just plain angry with my reproductive system for holding itself up. I mean, hello, I’d like to get it over with. (Is that TMI?)

What has happened since I last wrote? Well, as I imagined, once the fun craziness that was summer had died down, my quarter-life crisis came back in full swing. I won’t go into the sordid details (yet) but several things happened this month that turned my life on its head and caused me to be a recluse. For one thing, my younger brother left to study abroad in Japan, which is yes very exciting for him but also made me feel rather blue because it reminded me of my study abroad days. Not to mention, I didn’t realize how boring home life could be without my brother! I hope he doesn’t read this and doesn’t ever find out I’ve expressed that sentiment, but I looked at him as sort of a sidekick. And now I’m bored. My youngest brother is still around, but he’s such a teenager I never know what kind of mood swing I’m going to get.

Another thing that happened was I got Netflix. Yes, that’s right. Not for the first time technically, but this is the first time I’ve actually been using it and watching things. I’d been resisting for so many years, but my obsession with Doctor Who has greatly intensified that I wanted to watch older episodes (meaning the seasons with Chris E and David Tennant, as well as some of the earlier Matt Smith episodes). And I knew the show was on there, so when my brother offered to set up another free trial that he got in his email (he uses Netflix on and off, when random online parties send him free trials) I decided to roll with it. Luckily I haven’t found myself in a cesspool of binge watching like so many others; just Doctor Who and Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t know if I have the stomach to lose myself into another show.

By the way, speaking of the Doctor, did I mention I met Mr. Smith himself last month?!

That may have been the greatest birthday present I’ve ever gifted myself. And I’m never ever washing that blue dress.

Burying myself in distractions

The chest X-ray came back normal. So then why did I feel chest pains again tonight? Why does my breathing always feel so heavy and labored? What if my heart just fails on me and it’s because I had some deformity nobody thought to discover? (This is what happens when you work for a trade magazine for cardiologists, you get way too paranoid about your heart.) Why has my mood not improved yet? Why is it such a struggle to stay positive about anything anymore? When am I ever going to get out of this stupid little episode of misanthropic depression?

There are only a select few things that are keeping me sane right now:

  • NBA playoffs. I’m rooting for the San Antonio Spurs to go all the way. Seriously, just hand the trophy to them once they take care of the Oklahoma City Thunder in the Western Conference finals. Nobody cares about Miami or Boston anymore.
  • White Sox. My boys in baseball won their ninth game in a row tonight. Lovin’ it, lovin’ it! Plus everybody’s still talking about Hawk Harrelson going off on Mark Wegner.
  • Re-reading White Teeth by Zadie Smith. First read this for a class in college, decided it was time to tackle it again. I’d forgotten how funny and witty Smith is. In fact, I’d forgotten how much I idolize her. White Teeth was one of my favorite books from my English major experience, and so far it’s still holding up as one of my favorite books ever.
  • The Big Bang Theory. My brother surprised me today with the third season of BBT. Being in the fragile emotional state that I am, the gesture sent me to tears. Granted, he had a Best Buy certificate that expired today that he wanted to use, but still I appreciated the pseudo-gift. (I also have seasons one and four, now all I need is the second!) I’m starting to wonder if my emotional/mental issues stem from the fact that I feel unappreciated and nobody ever thinks to do something nice for me for once? And when you work both full-time and part-time jobs and nobody seems to consider that and nobody else seems to make an effort for you when you’re constantly reaching out to others…yeah, maybe those are my problems.

Not gonna lie, I’m slightly going through a Facebook withdrawal. But I told myself I’d stay off for at least a week, and the week mark doesn’t strike until Monday, and for a week I shall do it!

It has clearly been a while

It’s been three months since I started working two jobs and began this official post-college life routine. Everything has all but become a blur. When I’m not working, I’m fervently trying to get my life together like do laundry, balance checkbook (yes, I still do that), pay bills, and catch up on TV (I am now proud to say that I watch Grey’s Anatomy and Once Upon A Time on TV like normal people do…or used to do?). When I’m not trying to get my life together, I go out to socialize with people my own age and to do young-adult-like things—mainly drink in excess and watching TV lazily the morning after. As a result, when I get rare days like today (Happy Thanksgiving) where I don’t have to leave the house at all, I fail to tackle my giant to-do list and instead spend every waking hour watching The Big Bang Theory, my new favorite show. It’s all I’ve been watching this week…and I have to say, I’m quite crushing on Sheldon Cooper.

There’s so much I want to say. But my body doesn’t seem to have the ability to stay up past midnight anymore, because it’s 11 p.m. and I’m about ready to PTFO. Let me try this again tomorrow.

I’m finding things to do

So I think I almost have my groove back. Friday night I went out in the city with friends. Ended up not getting home until six in the morning. Legit showed up to work at my retail job in the same tights and skirt I was wearing the night before. People were commenting on how nice I looked, and inside I just felt gross and hungover. I felt young again! Figuratively speaking, of course.

In other news, the first two weeks of the NBA regular season has been cancelled. Now, people keep pointing out to me that this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s all over, but I’m pretty sure at this point the entire season is kaput. And I know it sounds silly and trivial to you people who don’t watch sports or care or whatever, but I am literally sobbing inside. I have no idea what I’m going to do without the NBA for a whole year. And I can’t bring myself to give two shits about NFL football. I really can’t. I mean, I watch the games occasionally and read the headlines on ESPN.com and all…but as much as I try, I just don’t really care. Nothing excites me and gets to me the same way basketball does.

Lately I’ve been reading the Southern Vampire Mysteries, which is the book series True Blood is based on. I don’t know whether to say it is better or not than the show. The writing is 50/50—there’s a lot of cute funny quotes, but sometimes the pop culture references and mundane details annoy me. Charlaine Harris sure knows how to write those male characters though. Eric, Alcide…I don’t know which I’d rather do. And how the hell is it that Sookie has like 10 times more suitors in the books than in the series? Woman’s got men knocking down her door every minute! I wish my life was as exciting. Minus the blood and vampire part.

“Hello Goodbye,” Ugly Betty

So, inspired by my previous post, I just spent the past 18 or so hours watching the second half of this season’s Ugly Betty. There were tears, there were laughs, I went through about every emotion imaginable. This show had much more of an impact on me than I first realized.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized why I loved this show and kept up with it even when life got so busy I stopped watching everything else (like Heroes, sadly). Betty Suarez, to put it simply, is my homegirl. She really is. She’s so bright, positive, and ambitious. It’s baffling. She studied English in college, just like I’m doing right now. She’s a woman of color, just like me, and I loved how the show treated her Latina culture at home both so casually and seriously. The series finale even had her moving to London with a brand new glamorous job, something that I’ve been aspiring to do. Betty ran a blog on the show that was about inspiring people and writing about stories that matter. I can’t believe I haven’t realized just how inspiring this show has been until now. I wish so much that I could pursue my ambitions the way Betty did so determinedly, that I can learn from the way she handled all the adversities that came after her.

So thanks for the inspiration, Betty Suarez and co., and no props to you ABC for canceling one of THE best shows that was on your roster. It’s bad enough Lost is ending this year…