It’s already August, WTF?

So I have less than a month here in the United States before I jet off to Costa Rica for a good four months. My feelings? Very mixed. A veritable melting pot of emotions, one swirling after the other and wisps of it emanating from time to time. Alright, enough with the wordiness, but one thing’s for sure.

I’m just not (entirely) ready yet.

Naturally, I’m not too surprised at this conclusion. I’ve never been ready to do anything no matter how excited I may have gotten for it in the past, save for that glorious day when I finally left for college three years ago (three years? How?!). I’m never ready to leave Champaign when the school year ends, I’m never ready to leave Bartlett when the school year (or semester) is about to start up again, I’m never ready for anything.

Sometimes I question my decision to stay in Champaign this summer. I don’t regret it at all, but I do think about how things may have played out if I hadn’t stayed here and just went back to the suburbs. I’ve actually never been more than ready to leave Champaign (I’m in need of the hustle and bustle that is Chicagoland), but the idea that I won’t actually be coming back for the fall semester is a little jarring. I know I’ve always said that I’m meant to study abroad, I need to get out of this country, I need something to jolt my life back into that feeling of excitement and awe of the future…but I never expected to get so comfortable with the people I managed to surround myself with this summer.

But I guess before I can even think about saying good-bye, I should get some work done. And by some work I met a shitload of work.

I don’t want to be the kind of person to have regrets

But I do have some.

I regret that I never went to my friends’ quinceañeras when I had the chance. I’m sure they would have been kick-ass experiences for me.

I regret that I let the way things occurred between me and a certain someone. For all the gripe and ranting I do about boys, I know that I only have myself to blame in that situation.

I regret that I didn’t join Montage or the Daily Illini earlier than I did. They’ve both been eye-opening experiences, and I wish I carved out my career path more clearly from the beginning. But I suppose that couldn’t have been helped. Could it?

I regret that I was such a terrible sister in my adolescence (indeed, throughout much of my life). I was an extremely selfish creature, and if there was one aspect of my growing up that I could change, it would be my earlier behavior toward my brothers. This is one regret I know I’m going to live with for a very long time.

I regret not utilizing the services at the Career Center. If I had practiced interviewing skills, perhaps I would not have had the rejections I’ve had to endure over the past year.

I kind of regret not choosing to study abroad earlier in my undergraduate career. Nobody expects to start off their senior year of college in another country; the whole point of your last year is to embrace every minute and every part of the campus that has given you life for the past three years. But this regret I can push aside because an even bigger regret would be to not study abroad at all.

I also kind of regret going out last night, because I’ve still got two 10-page papers due in a few days that are waiting to be written.

¡Voy a Costa Ricaaaa!

Drumroll, please. I have just been recently accepted to the study abroad program for Costa Rica next semester. Though I didn’t think I would have a problem getting accepted, just knowing that I am now officially in feels great. I have no idea what sort of repercussions this will have on my academic track, since I basically don’t need to study abroad, and not especially during my senior year of undergrad, but getting the hell out of this country is something I urgently need to do. I know I was meant to study abroad at some point or another in my life, and I’m super psyched to be going this fall! If I end up staying here an extra semester, then, so be it.

In other news, I have just finished a Chipotle burrito. If you don’t know already, those things are massive. And now I feel like falling over. I can barely sit up straight because I feel like the contents of my stomach are just too much for gravity to handle. Before, I used to eat Chipotle burritos in parts. I’d finish one half right away after buying one, then finish the second half later in the day whenever I got hungry again. I used to not be capable at all of eating a whole burrito. But now I guess I can eat them whole in one sitting (albeit a very long sitting, lol). The first time I finished a burrito right away was during a lunch break at work last summer, which turned out to be a bad idea because when I came back from break I found I couldn’t really stand and focus. Talk about food coma.

And now I can’t really focus on anything else right now other than lying down and staring at the ceiling.