Finding that voice

Well, first things first I guess…today’s Christmas. I’m under the impression that it’s like a really big deal, but really all I did today was open my 2 presents, watch TV and eat. Not really that much different from any other day in the year.

I finally got around to watching The King’s Speech. I hadn’t seen it since theaters, and it’s definitely still very very good. I will always love Colin Firth, so I may be biased. But it really is definitely very good. The cinematography, which I appreciated more this time around, is brilliant. As far as period dramas go, this one tops all the recent ones, at least. That may have been the lamest movie review ever, my apologies.

I still have that very overwhelming feeling lurking in the back of my mind. Today I was so tired for some reason. Really, I shouldn’t have been. I had no work yesterday nor today. I slept a full 9 hours. But today I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I couldn’t even muster up the energy to put my laundry away. My arms just don’t want to bloody move. I’m practically forcing myself to not go to bed at this very moment. There’s so much I could have done today and I’m so upset at myself for not doing a single thing except be an absolute couch potato.

I need to fix this blog. I need to read other blogs again. I must find my voice.

Frazzled inside and out

So now that I’ve finished the marathon of school/work/everything-else business that has been plaguing me for the past 3 days, I’m taking this opportunity to ramble more about my life rather than getting some zzz’s like I really should be doing instead. And I’m going to really need those zzz’s, because the hell isn’t over for me yet. I still have to prep for my internship interview on Friday and do responses for Coriolanus (which, incidentally, I ended up liking, even though I generally favor Shakespeare’s comedies over his tragedies) and finish my reading and WHY OH WHY DO I ALWAYS END UP BITING OFF MORE THAN I CAN CHEW? My eyes are literally drooping as I type this, and I’ve already had quite a number of typos tonight as I was trying to type up my final paper proposal for ENGL 461. Word was starting to look like Christmas vines, what with all the red and green wavy lines popping up at every corner.

You know that feeling where you have so many decisions to make but you can’t make them yet because there are extraneous factors that still need to be resolved? That’s me. Everything, right now, is hinging on this internship interview on Friday. Of course, I’m nervous as hell because one would be for any job interview, but just the fact that I feel like I’m failing in my career (which hasn’t started yet) as a workingwoman already isn’t helping. I think I’ve had more than my fair share of rejections in the past year, and this would probably be the biggest rejection ever, should I not get the internship.

*slaps self* I must stop talking like this. Insecurity and lack of confidence is probably what would get me rejected in the first place. Again, I must stop being so insecure and be hopeful. Be hopeful.

I haven’t made my “To Do” list for tomorrow yet. This should be cause for panic. My books and notes are strewn all over my room right now, as well as my clothes since I’ve been rotating through the same sweats and shirts all week. I’m surprised I even had time to cook today. I haven’t had the heart yet to plow through my frozen meals, because I know that once I open one package of microwaveable wheels and cheese I’ll end up eating all the rest too, and because of that I somehow scrounged up fried rice and barbecue chicken in about half an hour earlier tonight.

I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. I guess I’ll just go to bed.