My life right now in five bullet points

Lists are fucking everywhere these days. Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, everywhere. They’re getting quite annoying. And headlines these days! Everything’s gotta be composed of “10 Things That Will Blow Your Mind” or something similar. I’m over it, people. Please stop posting them all over my News Feed.

Anyway, to be a complete hypocrite I’m going to compose a list of my own here. Pardon me.

  • I have no money. It’s really starting to feel like it. I don’t know how this came about. I blame my family, I blame the world, I blame myself. Bills, loans, car payments, etc. Believe me when I say I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten most of my spending under control. I don’t shop anymore. I try limiting my expenditures when I go out, ever since I blew $120 in one night at American Junkie. But alas I still feel like I’m drowning.
  • I’m getting quite obsessed with Iggy Azalea. I don’t know why she fascinates me so much. Maybe it’s the Australian thing. Her voice can get a little annoying, but I love the way she says “I hate you so much” on “Black Widow.”
  • I’m rereading Bridget Jones’s Diary for the umpteenth time, just because. One of my co-workers teasingly joked that women only read it when they’re depressed though. Huh.
  • But I’m not bored. A couple of months ago I felt like my life was in despair, empty and hollow. Now I’ve replaced it with alcohol and random shenanigans with people. Because of that, I haven’t been able to work on my list of “Life Things to Work On” (a list name I just came up with right now). Kind of feeling in despair over that, but at least I’m having fun. Over the next week I have the following: overdue reunion with my old college roommate who’s just returned from Israel, girls night out planned for in the city on Saturday, HOPEFULLY seeing J. Cole on Monday for his Dollar and a Dream 2014 tour (for ya’ll who don’t know, they’re $1 shows at an undisclosed location, first come first served…so gonna have to get with it on Monday!), actually seeing Beyoncé and Jay Z (meaning I’ve got tickets) at Soldier Field next Thursday, and then flying off to Baltimore to visit my other old college roommate. WHEW.
  • Too lazy to come up with a fifth bullet point. I’m done.

Good night.

October has not been my month

It just really hasn’t.

  1. So I’d been trying to buy cheap tickets to my alma mater’s homecoming football game coming up on the 27th, and my college was offering them at decent prices. However, when I finally registered for their event, I was put on a wait list for football tickets. Sigh, OK, that’s what I got for procrastinating. Not wanting to see if I would eventually get off that list or not, I finally bought football tickets last night through the athletics’ site. Not that big of a price difference, so I felt OK. However, today, my college called me to say they had tickets for me! And so I had to turn that down. That’s $25+ I could have saved right there. #facepalm
  2. I accidentally ran a red light last Friday. I’ve semi-run red lights before, where they turned red as I was speeding towards the yellow, but last Friday I legit just went through a solid red light. I swear it was an accident! Granted, I was transporting 4 of my girlfriends, who were already buzzing off alcohol, and blaring Spice Girls in my car, so it’s fair to say I was easily distracted. But all I remember is looking at the driver next to me, who looked like she was grimacing in a pretty funny way. I was about to mention this to my friends when I saw a green come on in the corner of my eye. My friends said something, and I started easing onto the pedal. Then someone said, “Uhh, where are you going?” and I realized I was about to drift through a solid red light! The green that I saw was from the light of the street that was crossing the one we were on! And like the idiot that I was, I decided to hell with it and continued on through. I really hope there were no cameras there. And I seriously half thought I was going to be pulled over at any second. And thank goodness there was no traffic coming through that crossing street!
  3. The office manager at my retail job yelled at me last Saturday. And she didn’t just yell. She barked. At me. In public. In front of customers. Even as I tried in vain to defend myself (she completely accused me of slacking off and not doing my job when I had legitimate reasons for doing what I was doing at the time) she barked mean things at me. Now, I don’t heavily dislike this manager. I know she’s known for being tough—a barker. But she had no right to basically put me down in public and claim that I don’t know what I’m doing and that I need to do my job properly. I almost teared. That’s the worst part. I almost cried! I was so insulted, I was ready to turn in my two weeks’ notice and be like, “Bitches, I have a real job, I don’t need your bullshit!” But then the office manager came back up to me an hour later and apologized. She knew she assumed wrong and she knew that I know how to do my job and I do a good job of it. So I didn’t quit. But damn, if ever I need a reason to get rid of my part-time gig I’m definitely using that!
  4. Work in general has just been stressful. Both my full-time career job and my retail job.
  5. Boys have also been sucking major.
  6. So have a lot of my friends.
  7. And I’m sure there’s like a dozen other stories I can write out here. But I’m going to spare myself the pain.

More grown-up talk…this could get boring

Somebody remind me the next time I go out that when I come home and throw up in my garbage can, throw the garbage bag out immediately! Last Saturday I ended up doing just that (throwing up in my garbage can) and neglected to throw it out the next day. As a result, it was sitting in my room for a week and spawned a handful of gross-looking fruit fly thingies (I think they’re fruit flies, at least) that continue to fly around in my room. Seriously. I am 22-years-old now, and I can’t believe I let that happen.

This week was my very first week working both full time and part time. Let me tell you, it’s a lot harder than I thought, and I didn’t even work a full 40 hours at my internship this week because we get a four-day weekend for Labor Day. My body is so completely exhausted, and I barely have time to shower, eat and sleep when I’m home. I actually have to make plans for things like shopping, which I’ve been doing a lot lately. I insist, though, that a majority of my shopping is for work-related clothes, because I noticed my closet kind of screams “college girl” (lots of T-shirts and skanky tops) rather than “young professional” (dress pants, fancy blouses). It also doesn’t help that I just got a new credit card. With a $5000 limit. But I’m telling you, I’m going to do everything in my power to go against the norm and NOT be one of those girls who just pulls out the plastic whenever she sees something pretty in a window display. I really just wanted to get a new credit card with better rates because the one I’ve had since freshman year is sucking me dry, and my Best Buy one just hit me with a nasty load of deferred interest charges. So I’m trying to manage.

Speaking of money and grown-up things, my parents have been pressuring me to buy a car lately. It makes sense, obviously. There’s five of us in this house, three working adults (I’m one of them now, yay!), one community college student and a high school kid. Everyone’s got somewhere to go, especially now that summer’s over. We have three cars, one of which is a total gas-guzzling SUV that is in desperate need of a checkup. My parents have been commenting a lot on how we need a fourth car for the family, and obviously that fourth car is going to need to be bought by me.

But the thing is, I don’t really want a new car of my own. And by that I mean I don’t want to have to pay for a car every month for the next 5 years. I know I really do need a car and all, but what if something happens and then I’m stuck with a car I can’t pay for? My internship is only temporary, and my part-time retail job isn’t going to cut it if/when the time comes and I’m stuck in a rut again. Plus, there’s my secret fantasy plan, which I haven’t really told anybody much less my parents. Thing is, I can’t see myself wanting to stay in Illinois for the next 5, 10 years. As much as I love the city of Chicago, the feelings aren’t there anymore. Plus, the politics and government in this state sucks. At the moment my plan is to live at home and work in Illinois for a couple more years, then move abroad temporarily. I’d really like to do the Peace Corps or teach abroad for a while before settling somewhere more permanently. Or, there’s still my other plan, which is to go to graduate/law school.

There’s also the fact that I don’t know anything about cars. Which one do I buy?!

Overwhelmed with this growing up thing

Sometimes I think I’m so ready to be an adult. Have a job, make money, and not be restrained back by school or homework or assignments. Then there are times, like today, where I want to crawl back to college because I had friends there and ruled the town and didn’t really care much about impressing my superiors or hoping that I really really don’t fuck up at my jobs. (For the most part. I mean, obviously I cared in school, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to get my degree.)

I have worked nearly 47 hours in the past seven days in entirely new jobs. And in-between all that I managed to drive down to Champaign for a night and got crazy with the roommates (er, ex-roommates I should say, I guess). I even finished reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez, which I started over a year-and-a-half ago. I feel so grown up! I’m reading for fun, I’m being social, I’m working. Like an adult. But along with that I’m starting to fret over my student loans, paying credit card bills, and finding money for a revamped work wardrobe (that’s another thing…in college all I wore was sweats and t-shirts…or slutty club tops). I miss being innocent and naive about things. I miss having my friends within a 2-mile radius of me, instead of all over the world. Oh well.

On a less whiny note, the first day of my internship today went pretty well. It’s just always awkward being new anywhere, I guess. And seriously, it’s the story of my life and one of the reasons why I hate my birthday. My first day of high school was on my birthday (did I mention I went from a small private grade school to a large public high school where I knew about 0.2% of the population?). Hell, I spent my birthday last year in a foreign country where at the time I knew next to no one. And now I’ve started two brand new jobs where I’m the new kid who doesn’t know anything and is worried about making good impressions.

Ack, okay, okay. I’m going to stop whining and acting like my life is so terrible. Because it really isn’t. Actually, I’m quite content. I’m employed, my home life has been relatively calm this whole summer, and I go out to the city every weekend with friends I’ve managed to surround myself with again. You know that song “Good Life” by OneRepublic? It’s currently my song of the moment, because I’m definitely feeling the message: This could really be a good life.

And while I’m talking about music I’m currently listening to, I must talk about this song:

I freaking love Miguel. He just sounds so soulful and quirky at the same time. Plus in this song he talks about speaking Spanish but then “accidentally” sings in Portuguese instead. You can’t get any more awesome than that.

Same ol’, same ol’

I have pinkeye again. Yesterday it began with my left eye. I woke up with tiny bits of crust and it looked swollen and red in the mirror. Today I woke up with goo in my right eye, and lo and behold it was red as well. Luckily I still have my eye drops, and my left eye is less red today, but still. I have fucking pinkeye. Now I have to throw away my contacts and makeup again. And change my pillowcases (I should probably wash my blankets too…) and find ways to disinfect my room without having to run to the store to buy disinfectant stuff. Have I mentioned I am still incredibly unbelievably broke?

I’ve been able to make some extra cash with Demand Studios lately, but now that finals are coming up, I don’t have any more time to churn out articles. I don’t know how many other ways to say it, but I don’t have any freaking money. I am in debt. I owe people money. I have bills to pay.

My plans for after graduation are still fuzzy. If my internship is to continue through the summer, and I’d be getting paid for it, then I’d be staying in Champaign. Which means I’d have to find jobs I can start in for August or September. If I’m not working at my internship anymore after school, then I go back home and I’d have to find a job right away.

The point is, I have no money because school is taking up my time and taking my money (i.e. in form of tuition/bills/etcetera). Money money money! Fuck you!