So my body’s been suffering from the most random ailments lately. Before I left Costa Rica I started getting an extraordinary amount of bug bites, something I still can’t pinpoint to this day. They obviously weren’t mosquito bites, since my anti-mosquito wipes didn’t appear to work against them. They itched like crazy, and some even bled from all the scratching I did. Bad, I know.
Then there was the nasty fall I had last Saturday at the club (again, before I left C.R.). The combination of drink, high heels, and that damned unsuspecting step in the VIP areas led to me completely eating it on the floor that night. A couple hours after my silly mishap I noticed my leggings were stained and when I rolled them up, my right knee was bleeding profusely. And a week later, I’m still keeping two bandages over the giant scrape, which in itself still hurts like hell.
Now to top it all off, these weird welt things have cropped up on my hands (and feet, now that I think about it). All over my palms, all over my fingers. It hurts to stretch my fingers or to pick up something; not to mention they’re also incredibly itchy. WTF is wrong with me? (I really really really hope I didn’t pick up some disease from Central America! That would just S-U-C-K.)
Anyway, I’ve never really been much to write obsessively about my love life on this blog because a.) I don’t want to sound like some angst-ridden 15-year-old (even though I think that’s what I do sound like most of the time) and b.) I know there are people who know me in real life reading this. But hey, to hell with it. I think I need to get this off my chest.
So the story (situation?) goes something like this. Before I left home for Costa Rica, I’d fallen really really hard (again) for someone. But, seeing as how I was off to go live in another country for 4 months, I knew it couldn’t last. Or it had to be put on hold. I don’t even really know anymore what the ending was. But for me, it was tough. Incredibly difficult. That first month in C.R., I was sort of a wreck.
And then, things got crazy. Being single in C.R. was way more different for me than in the U.S. I don’t know what it was — if it was the mere fact that I was having the greatest adventure of my life in another country, or that dark tanned Latin men have always been one of my weaknesses, or that most Latin men themselves are just excessively flirtatious and have a great appreciation for women (that’s really the only way to describe it, LOL). Or maybe I just used them all to distract me from the love life I had left back at home. Who knows. But all I know is that I had never really fully taken advantage of my single nature until this past semester. (It must’ve been the Spanish thing. Seriously. — And the alcohol.)
How crazy was it? I don’t know exactly how much I should divulge here. There were married men involved, a bartender who had to leave the scene early to take care of his kids, foolery in a parking lot, foolery on the beach, a Canadian, and another bartender whose face I can barely recall but hey, he gave us free tequila shots the second time we saw him. By the time I left the country, there were really only two men who’d left any real impression on my mind (that second bartender was really super nice, maybe even cute, but I didn’t meet him until my very last weekend).
Those two I shall talk about for another time, but the point of the story is this: I don’t know exactly where my heart lies anymore. I’ll always have a soft spot for the-boy-from-this-summer, but at this point I’m getting too weary over our story (’cause believe me, it’s kind-of-a long one). I feel bad about the way things left with one boy I left behind in Costa Rica, because he was super sweet, and as all my friends kept saying, we “matched” so well. My nature now is to go out somewhere and find someone new to distract me (as seems to be my habit), but seeing as how I’m stuck home in the suburbs now I’m left to deal with my feelings, whatever they may be. I know exactly who I want but at the same time I don’t want who I want because I’m tired of all the emotional drain. And clearly there’s no point in brooding over anyone in Costa Rica. I wish I could just be content being single here at home, because I know I’ve done it so well for the past 21 years, but I doooon’t wannnaaaaa.