“I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. I’m going to figure out what that is.”
I’m doing something right now that’s very radical for me. I’m making a plan for myself. I mean, I’m always doing to-do lists like they’re my job, but instead of figuring out what toiletries I need to buy on my next trip to the store, I’m figuring out the next few years of my life for the very first time, like ever.
I can’t go back to my old seasonal job at the movie theater. It’s just too awkward now with the GM. I went there today to watch the third Transformers, and saw that she was behind the popper for a bit. So I went over to say hi, and while we made small talk, at the end of the conversation she was all, “So what do you want?” And after all the weirdness I had to go through last year (asking to work only sparingly over the summer; not being able to work over winter break due to the fact they thought I’d be in Costa Rica for a whole year, not semester; and not calling in May to ask for my job back like I promised because of my internship and vacation), I just knew she thought I was coming to ask if I could work again. Which, I mean, I wasn’t. But admittedly I was testing the waters there…and now I know that that chapter of my life is officially over. What a weird ending. Sad, too, because there are a lot more people I know still working there than I thought.
So now I am in full job hunting mode. I even finally bought a suit jacket/blazer. I know they say summers aren’t necessarily the greatest hiring periods, but I’m applying to anything that remotely sounds interesting and is within commuting distance for me. And that includes other mall jobs that could sustain me for a bit while I look for my first grown up job. But alas, Carson Pirie Scott’s already emailed me back saying they weren’t going to “pursue my profile further.” Being a grown up is tough.
Speaking of, I noticed today that the last two movies I watched have had eerie resemblances to my current life. Yesterday I finally saw The Hangover Part II, and I felt like I was being transported back to my two week stay in the Philippines: the annoyingly long journey, Delta Airlines, and the riding around in public jeep transports. In fact, what with all the Asian people and beautiful beach resorts, it was almost like my vacation in the Philippines…sans the whole drugs and partying and car chases. And then today! I took my little brother to see the third Transformers, and there he was, the lead human character, Sam Witwicky, a recent college graduate desperate to find a real career job! It like totally inspired me to kick my butt into overdrive and be serious about my future. The kicker was when everything shifted to the battle scenes in Chicago. I’ve seen a lot of disaster movies, and Chicago is almost never featured. Usually you only see cities like New York or L.A. or D.C. get trampled on and blown up and whatnot. But when the Decepticons started shooting up the place and people were running everywhere and they’re blowing up very familiar buildings…I almost started crying! And when they had that massive car chase down I-88, it was so surreal. Made me really wish I could have gone into the city to watch them film last summer, like everyone else I know seemed to have done.