This winter break sucks ass

Thanks to my seasonal unemployment situation, I’m bored out of my fucking mind, and you would think that with all this free time comes all this fun that’s supposed to come with being a 21-year-old in America, but noooooo.

It’s funny, I’m finally at a point in my life where my parents have FINALLY FINALLY given me near-unlimited freedoms (i.e. no curfew, less criticisms about my drinking, less interrogations about who I go out with, etc.) and yet I’m doing absolutely nothing with them. Quite literally, nothing. I don’t think I’ve socialized with a non-familial human being since…last Friday? Last Wednesday? I don’t know if this is because it’s cold, or because I’m stuck in the far out suburbs, or maybe because I just don’t really have any friends at all anymore.

My New Year’s Eve was spent in the hospital. The “things” I was talking about in my earlier post, well they got worse. About a couple hours before 2011 arrived, my parents and I took my 19-year-old brother to the behavioral unit at my mom’s work. Basically, he has been telling some people very scary things over the past year, messages that hinted at suicide, and when my brother refused to leave his bedroom to go to our usual NYE family party, enough was enough. I’ve known that he’d been having suicidal tendencies for several years now, and needless to say it’s been a relief to finally get him the professional help he’s been needing.

Since then, my brother has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, or so my dad told me. It’s a disorder that’s characterized by a persistent, chronic fear of being in social situations, something that can lead to other conditions like depression if left untreated. Which, now that I think about it, makes total sense, because my brother doesn’t socialize with anyone. At all. He’s perfectly comfortable hanging out with me and our 13-year-old brother at home, but he rarely ever gets out of the house to hang out with friends. I don’t even know if he has any of his own friends; the few times I’ve ever seen him out, it’s typically with me and our mutual friends. And then there are times where I wonder if this is all my fault, for being such an overbearing, bossy, dominant older sister.

See why I feel so completely shitty about my life right now? Definitely could use a very stiff drink at the moment…

Life’s a fickle thing, ain’t it

Earlier this week I found out I wouldn’t be able to return to my seasonal job for winter break. Apparently all my files were already gone from the system and it would have been too much of a hassle to do paperwork again just for two weeks of work (which is totally unfair because I’ve already been home for nearly two weeks, so in total that’s almost a whole month of labor I could have gotten). But they did say they were very much willing to take me back once I return home for good after graduation. Not sure what upsets me more, the fact that I’m just going to end up poorer and poorer or that I now officially have nothing to do for the remainder of break.

Or the fact that technically, I am now *shudders* unemployed. I really need to start figuring my shit out.

Yesterday I chatted with one of the friends I left behind in Costa Rica (actually, he’s one of those boys I was talking about, but again that story is for another time). He most certainly is not in the holiday spirit, and it saddens me. Background: This guy came to Costa Rica from Nicaragua about a year ago to join his older brother. Now, Nicaraguans aren’t exactly the most welcome of people in C.R. — it’s kind of how Mexicans are viewed here in the United States. He and his brother have been mostly working odd jobs as bartenders to save money for their family. Well, yesterday this boy informed me that both he and his brother are out of work and now struggling. He’s even considering going back to Nicaragua since he has no real friends in C.R. anyway, and was super sad about spending Christmas alone. Just talking to this guy was depressing enough; it almost makes me feel terrible for kind of breaking his heart.

And makes me even more wary of my own employment troubles.

It’s Unofficial, bitches

Happy Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day to you all in the Midwest who have decided to come down and converge upon my school this very sunshiny morning. Best holiday ever. One of the only times in life where it is perfectly acceptable to wake up at 7 in the morning and start chugging beer.

Time to get fucked up and forget about everything.

Bah, humbug

I can’t quite say I’m in the holiday spirit right now. And no, that isn’t just because I have a slew of final exams and papers breathing down my neck at the moment.

I just don’t…feel it.

And I mean, I’ve been hearing Christmas music nonstop since Halloween. Our apartment is beautifully decorated with a tree, lights, menorah, everything. But it seriously still feels like summer was only just two weeks ago. You can throw all the 14 degree weather at me, and I still feel like I should be at home doing summery things like play ball or drive to the mall with the windows down.

But then again. I do have quite the slew of final exams and papers breathing down my neck, just waiting for me to tackle them with the typical frenzy of a madwoman infected by one of those diseases you see in zombie films (think Quarantine). Three exams and two papers in one week. How the fuck do they expect us to accomplish all this and still be sane enough to come back for the next semester? More importantly, are they ever going to compensate for the loss of sleep we routinely miss at this time of the year?

And the madwoman frenzy I truly feel will be coming on soon. I tried to make Rice Krispie treats earlier tonight as a friendly parting gift for my SPAN 208 class tomorrow, but the pot I was trying to make them in apparently wasn’t as clean as I thought it was, so the marshmallows I was trying to melt ended up turning gooey brown. It doesn’t taste as disgusting as it looks, but the treats have already hardened a bit too well, and I don’t think I made enough for everyone. Epic fail #1.

Epic fail #2 came when I decided to clean up my eyebrows just a few minutes ago. After a few plucking here and there, I took my scissors out to shorten the length of some of the hairs. But I think it worked a little too well on my left eyebrow. It doesn’t look too disastrous, but my OCD is preventing me from feeling OK with it.

BatManu to the rescue!

This seriously just made my night. Manu Ginobili, mad mad props to you.

Apparently the bat was circling around the arena, much to the annoyance of everyone. So my second-favorite Argentinean ever (Andrés Nocioni will always be my first :)) decided to swat the thing down and escort it out. And the season’s not even a full week old yet!