A letter to the one I thought ruined my life forever

(Note: This letter was written in a moment of pure catharsis yesterday that my friend encouraged me to write in order to finally obtain closure over this one stupid boy that I’m sure I’ve mentioned countless times on this blog. I think it worked. Maybe one of you will take more away from it that I can. Oh, and I’m too lazy to change names, locations, etc., so there is a frighteningly realistic chance that the one to whom this letter is addressed may one day come across it.)

So. Today is Valentine’s Day.

I remember bumping into you in the main stairwell at BHS on Valentine’s Day. That was six years ago. At the time, things had cooled off between us since that night at the park and I realized there was no way in hell my dad would let me date you, and we hadn’t really talked in a while. But we greeted each other. I remember wishing we were Valentines that day.

I remember bumping into you at a frat party Valentine’s Day weekend during our freshman year at U of I. That was five years ago. Things got steamy on that couch. Then somehow you got into a fight with one of my friends, and her cousin threatened to beat the shit out of you. I called you at 3 in the morning to see if you were OK and you said it wasn’t a big deal. But I was concerned. I cared. Thinking about it now, I should’ve stopped myself then. Stopped that caring before it ever started.

Read more…

October has not been my month

It just really hasn’t.

  1. So I’d been trying to buy cheap tickets to my alma mater’s homecoming football game coming up on the 27th, and my college was offering them at decent prices. However, when I finally registered for their event, I was put on a wait list for football tickets. Sigh, OK, that’s what I got for procrastinating. Not wanting to see if I would eventually get off that list or not, I finally bought football tickets last night through the athletics’ site. Not that big of a price difference, so I felt OK. However, today, my college called me to say they had tickets for me! And so I had to turn that down. That’s $25+ I could have saved right there. #facepalm
  2. I accidentally ran a red light last Friday. I’ve semi-run red lights before, where they turned red as I was speeding towards the yellow, but last Friday I legit just went through a solid red light. I swear it was an accident! Granted, I was transporting 4 of my girlfriends, who were already buzzing off alcohol, and blaring Spice Girls in my car, so it’s fair to say I was easily distracted. But all I remember is looking at the driver next to me, who looked like she was grimacing in a pretty funny way. I was about to mention this to my friends when I saw a green come on in the corner of my eye. My friends said something, and I started easing onto the pedal. Then someone said, “Uhh, where are you going?” and I realized I was about to drift through a solid red light! The green that I saw was from the light of the street that was crossing the one we were on! And like the idiot that I was, I decided to hell with it and continued on through. I really hope there were no cameras there. And I seriously half thought I was going to be pulled over at any second. And thank goodness there was no traffic coming through that crossing street!
  3. The office manager at my retail job yelled at me last Saturday. And she didn’t just yell. She barked. At me. In public. In front of customers. Even as I tried in vain to defend myself (she completely accused me of slacking off and not doing my job when I had legitimate reasons for doing what I was doing at the time) she barked mean things at me. Now, I don’t heavily dislike this manager. I know she’s known for being tough—a barker. But she had no right to basically put me down in public and claim that I don’t know what I’m doing and that I need to do my job properly. I almost teared. That’s the worst part. I almost cried! I was so insulted, I was ready to turn in my two weeks’ notice and be like, “Bitches, I have a real job, I don’t need your bullshit!” But then the office manager came back up to me an hour later and apologized. She knew she assumed wrong and she knew that I know how to do my job and I do a good job of it. So I didn’t quit. But damn, if ever I need a reason to get rid of my part-time gig I’m definitely using that!
  4. Work in general has just been stressful. Both my full-time career job and my retail job.
  5. Boys have also been sucking major.
  6. So have a lot of my friends.
  7. And I’m sure there’s like a dozen other stories I can write out here. But I’m going to spare myself the pain.

Young wild and free

Ever since Unofficial weekend I feel as if my life has been going a zillion mph. I’m being reckless, I’m out every weekend, I’m drinking and partying. I’m hanging out with friends. It’s like for the first time since graduating college…I’m really feeling that “young, wild and free” vibe. Never have I been more aware of this post-school awesomeness until this past weekend, which I spent going buckwild in Miami while friends were posting “Wahh, finals” or “Holy shit, graduation” statuses on Facebook. Everything feels good: I’ve got a job, I’ve got (not a lot) of money, great friends and a drama-free family.

Funny how when life is good and I don’t have much to complain about, I turn to this blog less. I don’t like that! I must make more of an effort…my ambitious project for the upcoming summer will be to update and revamp. Now that I’m a working gal, I also gotta find some way of keeping myself more anonymous.

OK, this ambitious venture of mine will start…after I get some sleep!

Life has much improved

Funny how just one simple fact of life can change the course of how one feels about everything else entirely. Last Monday the company I was interning for promoted me to a full-time associate editor. I was hired. I have a real job. I’m staying! I no longer have to worry about what I will be doing with myself weeks from now, or having to send out resumes and cover letters again, or how the heck I was going to continue paying for my car. I finally have some stability going on for me. Moreover I can start cutting down on hours at my retail gig, which I believe I’m going to keep for now. So instead of working nearly 60 hours a week on meager wages, I’ll be working 50 hours a week on better wages. Heh?

I ended up having a whirlwind of a magical week last week after my promotion. For Valentine’s Day my girl friends and I went out on the town in Chicago, doing the wine, dine and dance. It ended up being a fantastic, fun night and totally worth the lack of sleep I suffered at work the next day. Last Thursday I went out in the city again to have dinner at the Costa Rican restaurant, Irazu, which I think I am now officially obsessed with. As a side note, I’m returning to Costa Rica in less than a month!!! (More about that later.) Then Friday I went to the city again (I really should just move there!) for the Chicago Auto Show, which I hadn’t been to in probably about 10 years. Best part of all…look who I ran into!!

Yeah, that’s right, I totally locked eyes with the Chicago Bulls’ very own Joakim Noah. The line to meet him was ridiculously long, so my friends and I fought our way to get to the crowd control poles. We may not have had the chance to get anything signed by him, but we were right there front and center, and he definitely saw—noticed—us. It was awesome.

Oh, and the cars were sexy too. Disregard all my previous emo posts. Life is awesome.

What a difference a sun makes

By all rights, my mood shouldn’t feel this improved right now. The Bulls are playing like shit against Philly right now, I’m having medical issues I really freaking wish I weren’t having, a rift in a friendship doesn’t feel much improved, I’m running on no sleep, and my future is feeling so extremely uncertain.

But the weather in the past few days has been relatively glorious for late January/early February. 50-degree weather, sunshine, the smell of spring. And I feel less freaked out than before.

Or it might have been the hormones and PMS that took over my last post…maybe…