Somebody finally believes in me!

After 3 months of lazying around, doing absolutely nothing but eat food, sleep, and watch a shitload of TV all day, my life is about to get real hectic again. I’m trying to remember what it was like earlier this year, when I had a full 18-hour courseload, a part-time night job, and an internship, because that’s the mindset I’m going to need to be in again in a few weeks. And it’s funny, because there I was a few days ago, feeling sad that the beginning of the school year was coming up and yet I didn’t have to get ready for it anymore. At any rate, the reason why I need to put on my workaholic gameface on again is because I was offered a paid editorial internship! A real, legit adult full-time grown-up job (well, not permanent job, obviously). After months of dead-end interviews and absolutely near-zero callbacks, I finally caught a break. Although I’ve been looking for more permanent employment, there’s always a possibility this could lead to that. Anyway, I absolutely loved talking to everyone I met during my interviews, and I’m so happy they liked me too, so it’s all very much an improvement over being completely unemployed.

There was a little snafu, however, when I announced the news to my parents. Though they knew I was interviewing for something, their reaction to my getting an offer was more or less along the lines of, “Well, it’s better than nothing.” At that point, I kind of blew up at them. There was no “Congratulations!”, nothing. I was beyond pissed and gave my parents an earful. You see, my mother has been on my case lately about finding a job (and a “real” job too, she’s so dismissive of the retail job I was recently hired for) and basically last week told me to go to law school or else. She’s even told others that I’m pretty much doing nothing with my life and can’t seem to find a regular job (again, she doesn’t consider my retail job a real job) on my own. She’s also been pressuring me to call the son of one of her mahjong buddies and ask what his office is currently hiring. And then, when I finally achieve something (on my own) and get an offer to work at something I’ve been working toward for 2 years now, she just goes, “Well, it’s better than nothing.” And I know why. It’s because I haven’t decided yet on whether to go to law school. I wonder if anything else would please her. The funny thing is, I actually would like to become a lawyer someday, but the more she and my aunt tells me to do it, the more I don’t want to. It all seriously infuriates me, and even though we’re on speaking terms again every time I think about my career choices and her fucking reaction I want to yell some more.

Anyway, this means I’ll be working both full-time and part-time soon; during the day at my internship, and during the nights and weekends at my retail job. I wonder how my body will handle this. More importantly, I wonder how awesome my wallet is going to feel from now on?!

Today was somewhat of an improvement

My dad informed me that I will be getting my first paycheck from him this Friday. So yay, money. I also lined up two job interviews for later this week. One is an informational interview with a company that somehow found my information and contacted me. The other is for a part-time retail job. It’s all better than nothing, right?

So at any rate, you know how they say don’t drink and drive, give the keys to you friends, yada yada? Well they don’t seem to have a saying for the “make-sure-friend-knows-to-turn-lights-on-so-bitchy-suburban-cops-don’t-hand-you-dumb-fine” situation. I went out to the bars in the River North area this weekend, having driven to my cousin’s friend’s apartment in the city earlier. I, of course, end up drinking away happily and at the end of the night we arrange for my sober cousin (whose house I was supposed to be sleeping at that Saturday night) to drive my car back to her house while her boyfriend drove hers. Well, unfortunately neither of us noticed that the lights on my car were not turned on while she drove. Since her car automatically turns its lights on, she just didn’t think to check with mine. Once we hit the suburbs, we realized our mistake and then the cops pulled us over immediately after our lights were finally turned on. Like seriously…what the fuck? Someone remind me to pay my cousin for my half of the ticket fine she was issued…

Man, looking for work IS hard work

The time has come for me to decide what direction I want to go in for the rest of my life…or at the very least, my immediate future life. ‘Cause as much as I don’t want to admit it to myself, I really can’t decide. I don’t really know quite what to do. I don’t know what my next step is.

Throughout most of college I operated under the idea that someday I would work in book publishing. It’s a fantasy that had formed shortly after I first saw Bridget Jones’s Diary sometime during junior year of high school. And when I declared my English major, I figured books were my number one love (tied with piano/music, I suppose) and why not pick an industry that involved them? As it is, I currently do have a fair amount of writing and editing experience, I would say, not only in book publishing but also in journalism.

But alas, book publishing jobs are not really to be found much here in Chicago. My future dream is to find a fab one somewhere in New York City or London. But the thing is…I don’t want to move away right now. Ironic, right? Me, the girl who’s been itching to get the heck out of America, is trying her best right now to stay at home. It saves money and gives me the chance to help out my family. In a few years I can see myself moving out to the aforementioned cities…but right now I just don’t want to.

So therein lies the problem. What do I do now? I need money. I need something to do. I need to start saving up for when I travel around the world and for when I eventually move out of the Midwest. I could do journalism here. I guess.

Yet…I still have other dreams. Other fantasies. Such as…

  • Working for ESPN. As an NBA sideline reporter, to be specific. I am so obsessed with basketball, I know I’d have the right enthusiasm. Although there’s a good chance I might start declaring my love for some of the athletes in public were I to actually meet them in person. Besides, don’t networks want pretty girls on their channels to attract more male viewers? Just sayin’.
  • Being a librarian at a big city library. I can’t imagine ever wanting to spend the rest of my life as a librarian at my local library (which pales pitifully in comparison to the public library in my college town), but I’ve often fantasized about working at a giant public library (the main branch, obviously) in Chicago or New York City.
  • Working either for the United Nations or somewhere abroad (or, ideally, both). I attended a workshop last semester on finding jobs with the United States’ State Department (meaning embassy jobs abroad). Getting paid to live somewhere abroad? Freaking hellz yeah.

And then…there’s the last option. Pursuing a legal career. Going to law school. It’s a very very tempting idea. People have been telling me to become a lawyer ever since I was about 5 years old (“Because you wouldn’t shut up and stop arguing as a kid,” my older cousin claims). My grandfather on my mom’s side was a prominent lawyer in his day, and like I previously said, my grandfather on my dad’s side originally was planning on becoming one. If ever there was something in the stars for me, it’s becoming a lawyer. I even took law classes in high school and was enrolled in a law course during undergrad for a time (I had to drop the class in order to take another one that was required for my minor). But again…what would I be doing exactly in law? Only thing I can think of wanting to practice is something international-y. I don’t really know that part yet.

I don’t know anything yet. Except that I’m broke and need some form of employment ASAP.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” — Nelson Mandela

Amazing. I’ve finally figured out what’s wrong with me.

Funnily enough, I came across that quote while reading through the “Welcome Back” guide the study abroad office sent me. And I guess you could say it’s about time I accepted that I’ve definitely changed in so many ways since my time abroad in Costa Rica. And it’s also about time I’ve accepted the fact that that chapter of my life is over and it’s time to move on.

Bye bye! 🙁

Before, I was dead set on spending the rest of my life in Chicago. After graduation, I would find a job in the city and live in a swanky apartment with either my cousin or other friends. Now, I’m not so sure anymore where “home” will be in the future. I liked my simpler life in Costa Rica. I could care less about finding that perfect 9-5 job downtown now. Obviously, nothing about Chicago has changed (much) — it’s my own demeanor that has.

People are always telling you to live it up while you can and to enjoy the moment, but why is it people never talk about what happens after the “moment”? I lived my summer to the fullest last year and I only ended up being depressed when it ended and I had to pack up for Costa Rica. Then in Costa Rica I had the time of my life and now it’s over and I’m depressed — again. I know I made promises to make my last and only senior year semester the best ever, but do I really want to do that now? Can I really make it through a third straight adrenaline rush of life and then only end up feeling deflated again when it’s over? I’m ready for college to end so I can start finding some semblance of stability in my life. I need to start that process of letting college go now before it gets any worse.

On a less somber note, I’ve started working on a scrapbook for my semester abroad. Sort of. I uploaded 240 pictures to my Wal-Mart photo account and I’m waiting for a friend to send more to me. But seriously…240 pictures. With shipping and handling, that’s about $32. And then on top of that I’m gonna have to buy a book to put it all in and then supplies and fun stuff to make it with! I’ve already filtered through my uploads 2 times to cut down the amount; looks like I’m going to have to do it a few more times!

Even further proof that I’m trying my darndest to move on is the ambitious plans I’m making for this domain. After over a year of this city skyline, I want to make a new one. Considering I haven’t done any real HTML since I made this layout then (heh), I’m a bit nervous about the time I’m going to have to invest for this. And I want to get the ball rolling on my sports blog. I tried starting one last summer, but then I kind of left it alone for awhile. I’ve been mainly debating about whether to design a theme for it or to just use a premade (which I really dislike doing…I like all my sites to be my own designs), so we’ll see.

Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from

It’s here.


I have plans. Not majorly ambitious “SIX FLAGS!! BEACH!!! GET TANNED!” type of plans, but real ones. I’m going to work on getting my life in order. Planning. I have plans to make plans. A little silly, I know, but I’m rather excited. I want to be productive. I was doing so well in the past month, what with my excessive amount of 10-page papers, and I don’t want to stop.

I’m planning to build. My life, my career, my future. Make money, because goodness knows I don’t have any at the moment and I have no idea yet how I can afford living here in Champaign this summer but I’ll find a way. I have to.

It’s a little weird, being on this campus and having absolutely zero academic responsibilities to think about. I dropped my Session I summer class because A) being registered for 6 hours is ridiculously expensive compared to 3, and B) waking up at 9 every morning (while hungover, no less) and having to trek across campus is no fun.

I’m also hoping for a lot more nights like these:

I had a lot more, coherent things I wanted to say and write about but time’s a-ticking and I’ve got a summer to tackle.