Drumroll, please. I have just been recently accepted to the study abroad program for Costa Rica next semester. Though I didn’t think I would have a problem getting accepted, just knowing that I am now officially in feels great. I have no idea what sort of repercussions this will have on my academic track, since I basically don’t need to study abroad, and not especially during my senior year of undergrad, but getting the hell out of this country is something I urgently need to do. I know I was meant to study abroad at some point or another in my life, and I’m super psyched to be going this fall! If I end up staying here an extra semester, then, so be it.

In other news, I have just finished a Chipotle burrito. If you don’t know already, those things are massive. And now I feel like falling over. I can barely sit up straight because I feel like the contents of my stomach are just too much for gravity to handle. Before, I used to eat Chipotle burritos in parts. I’d finish one half right away after buying one, then finish the second half later in the day whenever I got hungry again. I used to not be capable at all of eating a whole burrito. But now I guess I can eat them whole in one sitting (albeit a very long sitting, lol). The first time I finished a burrito right away was during a lunch break at work last summer, which turned out to be a bad idea because when I came back from break I found I couldn’t really stand and focus. Talk about food coma.

And now I can’t really focus on anything else right now other than lying down and staring at the ceiling.

This definitely has not been the greatest start to my semester. Not only did I strain my ankle last week, I’ve somehow contracted a fever in the past 28 hours. When I came back from work last night, I was shivering and passed out right away. Worst night of sleep ever, seriously. I woke up several times throughout the night, sweating profusely and yet still feeling extremely chilled at the same time. My throat was starting to throb painfully, and I was just plain feeling awful. I woke up around 7 in the morning, tried downing a glass of milk, and returned to bed, waking up intermittently until 10, at which point I tried to make myself feel better in order to make it to my three classes.

At the moment, I still feel like shit. The feverish chills I could handle, but my throat is killing me. I could barely eat anything today, and all I’m craving right now is chicken noodle soup, of which I have none. Blarghh.

I’m not quite sure how I’m going to handle this semester. Currently I’m at 18 credit hours. That’s 6 classes, 4 of which are advanced hours. I think I might just be in over my head. I have 100+ pages of reading assigned for practically every day in my HIST 472 class. And my Shakespeare class? I already feel like an idiot in that one, even though I’m starting to actually grow fond of the guy. Don’t even get me started on my lit theory course. I absolutely despise it. Not only is my teacher dull and incredibly awkward, I just don’t plain get what’s going on. I didn’t think I would actually hate an English class until ENGL 301.

I’m lacking motivation. I need something to jump start me on this semester.

Even if you don’t give a damn about sports and even though this is actually kind of old, it’s worth watching. I vaguely remember seeing a headline for it on ESPN.com a couple of weeks ago when the game happened, but I never really understood until now.

Complete unknown, D-League player makes buzzer-beating three to beat spoiled brat LeBron James and his Cavalier minions? Yeah, this is just another reason why it’s 1:25 in the morning and I have yet to finish my homework.

So I had a mishap the other night. A rather stupid, drunken mishap. My roommates and I were in the midst of finishing off a fifth of vodka, and I was making my way back up the stairs to the kitchen. Needless to say, the next thing I know I’ve fallen back onto the landing and my ankle is throbbing with pain. Packed some ice on it immediately after, and assumed everything would be fine, because, well, I was drunk and eventually the pain was numbed.

I was wrong.

I woke up yesterday to find myself crippled. Handicapped. At first I was just hobbling across the hallway to the kitchen to get some much needed water, but as the morning wore on I found that it hurt to just even move my left foot. It had swollen overnight, and I was stuck with a sprained ankle. I don’t know how the hell I made it to class today on my injured foot. I felt like an idiot, limping towards the quad from my apartment. Hopefully it should feel less awkward by the end of the week, because I’d like to go out and socialize with the rest of the university for once.

Anyway, yes, class. Another first day of class has come and gone. I had three today, and all went by nicely and my professors so far seem pretty badass. Hopefully this is the sign of a good semester to come.

“I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by.” – Leona Lewis

I swore that I would never be one of those people to agonize over lists of New Year’s resolutions because I always thought those kinds of people were just crocks. So you want to improve your life, why is it you only take the time to evaluate and suggest improvements whenever the calendar year changes? Life resolutions should be made and implemented when you create them, when you feel that your life is due for some changes. And most of the time, New Year’s resolutions are all the same. They’re all attempts to repeat the failed resolutions of previous years. Lose weight, take better control of finances. Really, that’s it.

Well, now I guess I’m going to have to swallow what I just said because I’ve come to realize that I do indeed have my own set of resolutions to lay out for me to accomplish. They’re not all necessarily goals I quickly conceived just for this, but rather life propositions that have gradually come about that I shall continue to adhere to in an attempt to find that elusive happiness. Or even simple contentment, that’s all I’m looking for.

Love, cherish, and honor my family

This is something I think I’ve subconsciously set out to do in recent years. I’m straying away from my hostile adolescent ways and trying more to keep this household together. It’s not a role I think I chose or was dealt with. It is just something I have to do. I want my parents to be OK, I want my brothers to grow up and be happy, prosperous people. I’m finding that the more I’ve been getting older, the more dependent I become on the well-being of my family. I don’t know where I would be without them, and I don’t know how I could function if I knew they weren’t happy. I’m not sure if I’m even explaining this right, but all I know is that I’m learning (and really trying) to be less selfish. At least, I hope that’s what I’m doing.

Be a better writer

When I decided to become an English major, it was because I simply liked to read books. I have never nurtured a serious desire to write poetry or critically acclaimed works of literature. I lack the creative drive to try and inspire the world with my words of wit. I never wanted to become a high school English teacher. I just like getting lost in different worlds, transporting myself to a universe that was different from my own. I still think books — plain, sheets of paper bound together, an object those electronic devices could never replace — have such a unique, raw power to make me feel anything. While I’m not going to go so far as to say that my goal this year is to actually get on the grind and write a novel, I want to learn to better express myself. I want to be a better blogger and write more than just about how tired and cranky I am. I want to write more short stories and see if maybe there’s a creative spark somewhere in there.

If there’s one book that I read in 2009 that stood out to me the most, it was Zadie Smith’s White Teeth. I had to read it for one of my English classes last semester, and I was just floored at how this woman’s writing struck me. Everything we talked about from that novel was literally everything I have thought about and mused about. Every topic was something I had never dreamed of dissecting in a contemporary novel. And to think, she started writing that book when she was my age. This year, I want to develop my words. I want to learn to actually, profoundly, and seriously write.

Redefine all my notions of friendship

This is something that I have literally been struggling with my entire life. I’m not sure if I’m good at having friends. I don’t know who I can truly trust with my feelings and innermost thoughts. If I’m not being paid enough attention to, I hide away and channel my anger through some other means. This isn’t to say that I’m never surrounded by people I have fun with. I truly believe that I’m good at being friendly. I’ve always prided myself on being one of those people you could trust your darkest, deepest secrets with, because you know that I’ll always be listening. I guess, if anything, I feel as if I focus too much on being a good friend to others that I don’t know if I know how to have others be good friends to me. It is extremely difficult for me to open up to people, for me to place my trust in others. I’m not the type of person who calls someone up in the middle of the day so that I can vent for the next three hours. If you show no interest in my life, I won’t share it with you. I’m so self-conscious about others not caring to know what is going on in my life, that I never let them get a chance to. I’m almost certain that this is a large reason why I’ve never been in any kind of serious relationship before. I think this is the resolution that is going to be the hardest for me to even think about. I’ll be the first to admit it, I have this huge, gigantic solid wall surrounding me that I don’t know how to break down. And it is my hope that someday, in the future, I will discover how it can be taken down bit by bit.