I’ve got plans

I know, I know. That’s what I always say, right? But this time I’m determined. I’ve set myself a deadline, I’ve been doing research, I am movin’ and groovin’ on it! My goal is to slowly transform this blog around and really pump out more writing than before. Enough of me crabbing about like I’m still 14 years old (although, really, I can’t guarantee it 100%).

In other news, I’m trying out the Twenty Fifteen theme here for this blog. To maintain some semblance of the style I was using before, I kept the background image. Oh, and those pictures of a random girl to the left there? Yeah, that’s me, courtesy of my Instagram. I guess it’s time I got really personal with this place.

(Jesus Christ, though, these fonts are huge. I feel like an old lady re-reading this.)

What’s in a name?

It’s seriously amazing how much one can get done during the weekend when one does not go out. I stayed in last night, didn’t work or anything. Read my book (currently Burning Bright by Tracy Chevalier, writer of Girl With a Pearl Earring), did my 10 sit-ups, and went to bed at a respectable time of 11:17 p.m. Woke up today without the assistance of an alarm clock at 8:30 a.m., and promptly started my day. Put away my laundry (that I had done four days ago) and tidied up my room. I was supposed to go rock climbing with some girls from school, but alas it was not to be. So instead I convinced my brother to go bike riding with me around the neighborhood. We had to walk our bikes to the gas station to fill the tires up, then went on our way.

That was when I discovered I am so out of shape. I was out of breath in minutes and could barely get up the hill when we found the trail through the forest preserve by our house. Looks like I’m going to have to ease into this new “must-get-into-shape” routine I’ve adopted much more slowly.

In other news, other than watching the Olympics day after day, I’m trying to figure out plans for this domain. As it is, this blog is the domain. But now that I’m a fledgling careerwoman and writer, I would kind of like to create some sort of portal for myself and dissociate my real name from this blog. As it is, if you Google my full name this domain is the first thing that pops up. It’s kind of unnerving. (In fact, if you’re reading this after Googling my full name to see who the heck this person is…well, there you go!)

When I first started blogging on the Internet 10+ years ago, I was just a kid. I knew not to use my real name, of course, so I just started calling myself Raisy all around, on message boards and whatnot. When I got to high school, I wanted to be more “authentic” (truthfully I’m not quite sure what I mean by that) and started using my real name, sometimes even putting my full name on websites. When I bought this domain after my sophomore year of college, I put my full name everywhere in a bid to sort of establish myself as, you know, a personal blogger. But now that I’m more than a year out of college, I’m coming into contact with way more professionals that I ever thought. My real full name is now not just the name of a kid tinkering around with websites and HTML, but that of a real working person. I’m having to put more thought into how I want to really establish myself to the world. Years ago I was just a Final Fantasy and Charmed fanatic. Now, I have so much more weight carried on my shoulders.

Only thing I’ve managed to do today domain-wise is finally add a title header to this design. For a while I didn’t have the name of the blog up there, and I wanted it to stay that way, but then I changed my mind. And instead of updating the background image I just went with a regular text header. Other than that I can’t quite decide what to do with my online presence at the moment. I love this personal blog—it has sincerely become my baby over the past 3 years. But I’m starting to understand that I really need some sort of splash page to represent myself professionally. But should I buy a separate domain for that? This domain name is already too intricately tied to my real full name. Should I do some radical transformation of bumplum.com and relegate this blog to a subfolder? Whaaaaat do I dooooo???

Putting some things back in order

A lot of progress today! Changed the navigation around on this new layout, and I think I’m pretty pleased with the end result. It’s like I’d almost forgotten how much fun it is to design (albeit mine are rather lame) layouts and code CSS. What you see here (above) is a photo I took last summer while flying over Aklan province in the Philippines. We were heading back to Manila from Boracay, and viewing a sunset while actually in the sky and up in the clouds was actually pretty awesome. I also updated pretty much all of the pages on this here blog, and when you consider that I only do that about every 1.5 years, I’d say tonight was quite productive. I don’t know how I used to do this all the time before when I was a student. You’d think that once I had no more homework to do for the rest of my life, I’d find more time to dedicate to this place…

In other news, I deactivated my Facebook account Monday morning. That means it’s been nearly 4 whole days since I last checked or interacted with anyone on Facebook. Reason why? I just didn’t feel like interacting with anyone anymore. A couple days ago I was very angry with a lot of people in my life, feeling abandoned and ill-used and all that. So I cut the cord. The feeling’s quite great, actually. I feel less chained to my phone now and to social media in general. Eventually I know I’ll make my way back, but in the meantime I think I’m going to enjoy this.

As for the health issue I mentioned previously, I’m starting to wonder if there’s nothing physically wrong with me at all, which is a good thing really, but in the end would also suck because then I feel like I’ve wasted everyone’s time and money. My EKG last Friday came out normal, my doctor said my blood test was normal, and today I went in to get a chest X-ray. If that turns out to be normal, well then I’m going to feel like I just cried ‘wolf’ or something. I have been having these chest pains, though, on and off for at least a year. I’m 22 years old, that can’t be normal. There just has to be something wrong with me.

I’m having difficulties

I’m seriously starting to believe I have some sort of anger issue(s). Issues that may require medication so that they don’t keep manifesting in these annoying bouts of ill health. Last Thursday I was having anxiety attacks and chest pains at work, and when I mentioned this to my parents they promptly flipped out and nearly dragged me to the ER. The next day, Friday—which was supposed to be the first day of my glorious 4-day Memorial Weekend staycation—my parents made me go to the doctor’s office, causing me to cancel all my exciting plans for the day (mainly, the beach!). We don’t know what’s wrong with me yet, or even if there is anything wrong with me (I’m really just convinced it’s all psychological), but my parents won’t rest until they’re certain. As for me…well I’m doing the best I can not to consume copious amounts of beer right now, because my mother is convinced my “alcoholic drinking” is the main cause for my health woes. (I swear I’m not an alcoholic. In fact I think I drink a perfectly normal amount for a 22-year-old who likes to party when she gets the chance.)

And what are the reasons for my incredibly foul, angry mood? There’s been some rather unsavory drama happening in my life. Long story short, I felt betrayed by a friend’s shady behavior, and what was once a schoolgirl crush has now quickly disappeared into thin air thanks to said shady behavior. Ugh, just thinking about the whole ordeal is making my blood boil again.

In other news, there’s a new theme up. Literally took me about three hours, probably the fastest I’ve ever whipped a layout into shape for this blog. But I really was just getting sick of the old one, and I’m determined to get the ball rolling again on this blogging thing. How I’m going to do that, I haven’t determined yet.

The thing is, times have changed. When I first blogged on the Internet, I was probably around 12 or 13 years old. No one knew who I was. I was just a kid writing random journal entries for strangers to see, first by hand, then with software like Graymatter, b2, yada yada (anyone remember those days?). I was always just a student ranting and raving about teenage life. If you go to my personal website, you’ll find content there that was written five, six years ago. Now I’m in my twenties and no longer a student. Social media has made it impossible to keep online and real-life identities separate. Many people in real life know I have a blog. And with my job, I understand now why it’s so important to keep the toes on the line when divulging personal details online. And it’s just irritating, because the Internet was supposed to be this vast place where I could carve out my own little corner and write about annoying troubles live was giving me.

OK, I’m not really sure where that rant was going. But blogging doesn’t seem to be as much fun as it used to. I haven’t decided whether to create an entirely new blog (along with a more carefully hidden online identity), but I don’t want to let go of this domain just yet. We’ll see.

We’ll see where this damn life takes me!