No words

Something happened to me recently that hasn’t quite ever happened to me yet — I got into a car accident. An honest-to-goodness, I’m-so-happy-to-be-alive car accident. Like a real one. Just sitting here typing it in my old bedroom at my parents’ house is giving me the shivers. I’m still not quite sure how to process it, and it probably didn’t help that it happened on a Friday and therefore I am having to wait until the next business day (tomorrow, Monday) to find out the fate of my beloved car. That’s three full days of uncertainty and anxiety. Yesterday when my dad and brother picked me up to bring me back to the house, I was having panic attacks in the car, especially when we had to basically return near the scene of the trauma to retrieve my belongings from the towing yard. My body also decided to crap out on me yesterday, and I was utterly sore all over, especially up and down the left side of my body. I also found small bruises on my shoulder and leg. So I guess I wasn’t as “a-OK” as I told everyone on Friday.

Today wasn’t as bad. I haven’t bawled over yet in misery. I was able to walk around without putting my left arm into another makeshift scarf-sling. I also was able to not leave the house and remained comfortably at home. I’m supposed to be going back to work tomorrow, but the idea of actually returning to the scene of the trauma is too much, so I’m probably going to tell them fuck no.

Not sure where life is leading me now. I’m feeling all of a sudden way off the path.

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