My mother’s in one of her moods again. Or rather, my parents are fighting again. Not sure where the difference lies anymore. I do not like it at all. Even though it shouldn’t affect me, it does. I do not like this discord in my life. I don’t know how to not feel it. I’m 23 years old, and every time this happens I feel myself regressing 10 years back and my emotional tank is at its full capacity and my senses are super heightened and everything is just constantly on edge.
For once in my life I wish I had an older sibling to defer to. Someone to give me advice, watch out for me. Someone to do all the worrying. While I have always enjoyed playing the role of the oldest child, it is times like these where I want to curl up in a ball and let someone else do it. Because sometimes there is just too much. A person can only take so much. A girl can only be as strong for so long. Sometimes there is wear and tear. I’m worn. I’m worn the fuck out.