I don’t know what to do about my camera dilemma. I’ve just about given up on trying to repair it on my own, and were I at home I probably would just hold off on buying a replacement or charge one to my Best Buy credit card. But I’m here in bloody Costa Rica, with about 4 weeks left. There are beaches, animals, and final good-byes to be photographed and I’ve nothing to fucking photograph them (is it weird that I just imagined myself saying all that in a British accent?).
And I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I don’t want to go home.
I don’t want to go back to the real world. To real life. I’m already starting to feel heart palpitations over my financial difficulties and the fact that I’m still not even fucking registered for classes for my supposed last semester of college. And what about after? I have to find a dumb job that I won’t even want just to pay off this useless paper degree? I love college for all that it’s taught me, academically and socially, but there is something to be said about a society such as ours that practically forces you into the most financially draining institutions possible because the “alternative” is supposedly worse.
My parents are updating me on all the goings-on at home, but surprisingly I don’t want to hear it anymore. The more disconnected I become, the more disinterested I am. I keep thinking about last weekend on the beach, and how I spent much of my Saturday night (or rather, early Sunday morning) sitting on the beach with random strangers from all around the world, smoking up and not having a care in the world. I felt I could literally spend the rest of my days staring out into the sea and not have to worry about anything else like bills or family drama or grades, whatnot. There’s no other feeling quite like it.
So today, as I’m sure everyone knows, is the day the first part of the last Harry Potter installment comes out. It’s been a whirlwind. At first I believed there were no midnight shows here in Costa Rica and that all the weekend evening shows were sold out. Then my friends discovered a midnight show at the cinemas nearby. I was all set to join then, and then I heard that the midnight show would be dubbed and not subtitled, which I absolutely refused to watch. So I didn’t join my friends. Then this morning, I hear that there were indeed subtitles at some of the shows last night and that the movie was, of course, amazing. And now I feel exceedingly frustrated.
I need a drink or something.