A dream-mare?

Last night I had a dream that, if it were real, would have been one of the best dreams ever. But in this dream, I was somehow dreaming in the dream. So I knew the dream wasn’t real. I don’t know if this makes any sense.

The “good” part of the dream involved a boy, a boy whom I have always thought was cool in the two years that I have known him. I never had a serious crush on him, but I still have wanted him at times all the same. In this dream, things were normal. I walked away from him, but then all of a sudden we kissed and he was confessing his feelings for me. I was in shock, because I thought that after all this time, nothing could ever happen between us. But he kept reassuring me and coming on to me.

The frightening part is the fact that although all of this felt very good on the inside, somehow I was still terrified. It was as if I knew that I was dreaming all of this, and I had to keep telling myself that none of it was real, that it was all a dream. And this was occurring within the dream itself. It was like a dream and a nightmare all wrapped up in one seriously weird cycle. When I woke up, I didn’t have that sweaty feeling I usually get after nightmares, but I didn’t have that “OMG, I want to go back to sleep so I can keep dreaming!” sensation either. I just wished that I didn’t dream it, because it wasn’t making me feel any better about anything.

I’m supposed to be leaving for Champaign in 10 hours. I am much more excited to be returning than I was earlier today, but all the same, I am not packed whatsoever. My room still looks like a disaster zone.

Fuck.