It’s time for my annual “Hello all, I’m alive, I really am” check-in on this blog. It’s a blistering 93 degrees here in Chicago…in late September. No, really. A week ago I may have been in deep up in the Rocky Mountains of Canada, wearing layers upon layers in near-wintry weather while traversing Alberta’s beautiful lakes in Banff National Park, but now I’ve taken refuge at my parents’ air-conditioned abode to escape this heck of a heat wave. I never thought I would ever say this—no really, I have never been one to say no to summer conditions—but damn, where the autumn at?
Not much to update on my end here…and yet there is. I moved to a new apartment, in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago. Still don’t have a car, but somehow I’ve managed with public transportation for the past year and a half. Still at the same place of employment, where I’ve now been for six whole years. (Seriously, WTF? I don’t know how that happened.) Traveling just as much as ever, much to the dismay of my credit card accounts. As previously mentioned I just came back from a trip up to the Canadian Rockies, which by far had to have been the most exhilarating (nature-wise) experience of my life. And yes, even better than visiting the Grand Canyon for the first time last year (and let’s face it, no matter how busy the Grand Canyon it legitimately is one of the coolest natural features in the world). As someone who grew up in the flat lands of Illinois, to be surrounded by the tallest mountains I’d ever seen for a four straight days was nothing short of amazing.
Today is probably the first Saturday in a very long while in which I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. It is strange and amazing and terrifying at the same time. It’s like, what am I supposed to do with my time if I’m not rushing off to go somewhere for an errand or a party or a fitness class or social event? Why, I guess try to log back in to my WordPress and see if I’ve still got a blog, LOL.
When I was younger (teen years, to be more precise), I frequented many online communities and I was always amused by the amount of people who had to step away from their duties as forum moderators or webmasters or whatnot because “real life was in the way” or “taking up too much time.”
Now that I’m an “adult”…I fully, completely 100% understand the sentiment.
I do feel guilty for letting my web hobbies fall to the wayside. After all, they consumed much of my adolescence and were a source of pride for me. But man oh man, this whole being an adult thing is serious shit! I was around 12 years old when I began experimenting around the Internet and learning the trades of website design and creation. Now I’m in the later half of my 20s, and my mind and body is starting to feel the effects of aging (and yes, I’m aware I’m not quite that old yet, but whatever). Just getting up and doing laundry is now considered an accomplishment for me.
This morning we said good-bye to my younger brother as he jetted off to Japan for a year of teaching (technically, he hasn’t jetted off yet—apparently they’re still stuck at the gate. Good ol’ O’Hare delays). It’ll be really weird to not have him around in the same metropolitan region/state/country but all the same. Very proud older sister here.
Did I mention I’m starting to feel the effects of aging? It’s now 2:49 in the afternoon and I feel ready for an old lady nap.
Something happened to me recently that hasn’t quite ever happened to me yet — I got into a car accident. An honest-to-goodness, I’m-so-happy-to-be-alive car accident. Like a real one. Just sitting here typing it in my old bedroom at my parents’ house is giving me the shivers. I’m still not quite sure how to process it, and it probably didn’t help that it happened on a Friday and therefore I am having to wait until the next business day (tomorrow, Monday) to find out the fate of my beloved car. That’s three full days of uncertainty and anxiety. Yesterday when my dad and brother picked me up to bring me back to the house, I was having panic attacks in the car, especially when we had to basically return near the scene of the trauma to retrieve my belongings from the towing yard. My body also decided to crap out on me yesterday, and I was utterly sore all over, especially up and down the left side of my body. I also found small bruises on my shoulder and leg. So I guess I wasn’t as “a-OK” as I told everyone on Friday.
Today wasn’t as bad. I haven’t bawled over yet in misery. I was able to walk around without putting my left arm into another makeshift scarf-sling. I also was able to not leave the house and remained comfortably at home. I’m supposed to be going back to work tomorrow, but the idea of actually returning to the scene of the trauma is too much, so I’m probably going to tell them fuck no.
Not sure where life is leading me now. I’m feeling all of a sudden way off the path.
It struck me today just how extremely fleeting and yet profound the act of “growing up” actually is. I first registered this domain name back in 2009, right before my junior year of college. I’d been dreaming of having my own domain way before that. This June will mark the blog’s seventh year, and it’s occurring to me that it’s time I ought to create an “Adult” or “Post-College” category for this latest phase in my life. I’m no longer in a four-bedroom apartment on a college campus, or dependent on my parents’ resources, or lamenting over my lack of a proper love life (although, from time to time, yes I still do that). I’m living in the city on my own, and it’s a Friday night and I’ve nothing to do but live my life the way I want to. No homework, no stress, no impending sense of doom that graduation was going to come and hit me straight in the eye and I wasn’t going to know what to do.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve finally come to a point where I can safely say that I “made it.” It’s just now I’m also like…”Now what?”
Life is strange. So very very strange.
(Oh…and in case you didn’t notice…I did create a new category of posts, the aptly-named “Adulting.” Welcome to its first post!)
Merry Christmas everybody. We’ve come to the end of 2015.
No idea how I made it. Really don’t. I’m sitting here in my old bedroom at my parents’ house and I’m wondering how on earth I survived all the shenanigans, all the heartaches, all the stress, all the madness. All the changes. Another year gone by. Time continues to pass, and I continue to wonder at what the heck I am doing with my life.
Keep calm and carry on, as they say.